forced myself to sleep . forced myself to eat during the pre dawn . everyone was asking me why im so quiet , what's wrong with me and so on .. my bro was asking me to eat more but i just said that i dont want and ignored him . and he was like , " u only eat three spoon of rice with nothing .. and u fasting .. " and i just ignored him . the whole night .. i dont know for what i cried . tears that came out from my eyes are for nothing and no valid reason . at school , i was walking like a lost person . with my eyes that's tired . and i kept silence all the way at school .. till i burst out crying .. thus , i quickly run to the toilet . and everyone in the parade square was there . i just cover my face with me hand . i dont know what's the reason behind all this . and i guess , i will get seasoned with this .
Blogged @ 1:27 PM
Don't let me go -

yarh , i have no idea .. how the hell do i know what is wrong if u didnt tell me ? it hurts alot . i cant talk about it anymore uh . the more i write it here right now , the more i will let it all go .. and the more hurt im going to be .. the more sick im going to be . the more tears im going to let out .
Blogged @ 11:41 PM
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hm .. i really feel that you are different today .. u are not the same .. ur behaviour like this made me feel so sad .. why must it always be like this ? i tried to tell myself to not think about it , as what Donny told me to do , but to no avail . everytime i text u , i could sense that ure not the same . tell me what's wrong .. thinking about this is just going to hurt me and make me sick . and now , seriously , im feeling sick . i thought that this will never happen again . but im wrong .. there's lots more that i wanna let out . but i just cant let it out in words .. im tired of being like this .. i wish that everything were the same like last year when things when on smoothly .. i miss those times ..
Blogged @ 10:29 PM
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haish . im having a bad day .. seriously .. i just feel like crying out everything . my mind is not at peace .. somehow , i feel that he's mad at me .. to be frank , when i met him just now , and i saw his mad face , i feel so ... hm .. i dont know how to describe it .. haish . then , the messages that u read . and the one that u just let it be open .. u did that on purpose didnt u ? argh . why am i feeling like this . bloody hell . freaking shit . argh . am i the only one like this ? am i having the right instinct ? am i acting in the right way ? oh my . what the freaking f***ing hell am i talking . argh . too stressed out . too much thinking . too much worries . im not being myself .
Blogged @ 4:59 PM
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okay , best . today nenek going to Johor . and she's sending back my dress to be altered . heh . Thanks Nenek . (: okay . that's it for now . im tired . heh .
Blogged @ 1:11 AM
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i realised that i am being like this just over the matter about a bag . it is silly . but still .. hm .. i just cant sit still and forget about it .. people wont understand me when it comes to this matter . its just a silly , small matter . that im exaggerating , i guess .
Blogged @ 1:45 AM
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i hate it when people use my things without my permission . really hate it . and now , the bag is already spoilt and she didnt even bother to tell me . i was freaking pissed off and mad till i take the bag and just throw it to my grandmother . its not her fault but yet , my anger was venge at her . im sorry , Nenek .. that's my favourite bag and u just spoilt it . WTF ! i already told u a lot of times to ask me first before using any of my stuffs . but u never listen . i dont mind u using it . but please uh , take care of it uh . its not urs . so take care of it . now , i have no bag to use if im going out . what the hell uh sia . i was so mad at u till other people are affected . i got easily irritated and i just blew up . thus , to avoid it happening more , i just kept quiet .. okay , right now i really dont know what's wrong with me . my face is so freaking wet . argh . i cant be mad . shouldnt have been like this . now its 1.30am and im still awake . eyes swollen . cooling down myself . really need him .. but im afraid that i will get worst instead of better .. just like what happened just now .. i was hoping that by talking to him , i could cool myself down .. but look at the outcome .. its worst . now i guess , even he lost his mood . but i really need him ... T_T
Blogged @ 1:06 AM
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Sorry for my bloody attitude just now . im just so pissed off and damn irritated . and my mood just gone . sorry for acting like that . sorry for raising my voice to you a lot of times . i guess if im in this kind of mood , i better leave myself to be alone . it will just make people get upset . and it will just make me much more frustrated . Sorry , Dear ..
Blogged @ 12:45 AM
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Boredom is killing me right now . from morning till now . oh my . i can die sitting idle at home . haha . just finish helping out with the household chores . now currently listening to Women's Generation . just to kill boredom . haha . have to plan out what to do for the remaining day of today . weekends . monday . and tuesday . have to make full use of the time , i guess . haha . need to brush up on my subjects .

For Prelim , i did some improvement in most subjects that i have received the paper back . but not for my combined science . it sucks . my science overall got F9 . damn it . however for POA and combined humans , there's improvement . and im sure if i study harder and smarter , i will be able to pass with flying colours . (: this prelim really made me to study much more harder and believe in myself that there's still room for improvements . thus , i have to make for myself a time plan . hahs . oh my . this sounds like FnN . Haha . talking about FnN , i didnt study for it and yet , i need another six marks to pass . hahaa . so it means that if i study , i can do much better . (:

okayy then . people in the house calling me again . haha . have to get my butt out of here and help in the kitchen . and after that , i will probably be back here again . blogging about the boredom and about me just talking of studying , but eventually , i didnt study . haha . okay , im talking craps . XDD
Blogged @ 12:52 PM
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Suddenly , there's a lot of songs playing inside my head . making me to want to play the guitar . i really miss playing guitar .. still have yet to buy one . haha . ohh my ! I WANT GUITAR ! can i get a guitar for my birthday ? haha . im desperate for it . haha . okay2 . now im talking nonsense . haha .

now , the time is 1210am . still awake . sleeping late . heh . not schooling on friday , that is today . so can sleep late (: even though im feeling tired , i am still very awake . hahs . have to force myself to sleep so that i can wake up to eat my pre-dawn meal . hahs . okay . i dont know what else to update . guess that's it for now .

Good Luck to Those Taking MT Prelims (:
Blogged @ 12:00 AM
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currently , i dont know what to update . i guess i shall just let out everything that i have been feeling for this past few days .. this past few days , i have been listening to a lot of sorrows about relationship . sometimes , i dont know how i am going to help them . i dont know what to say to them . all i can say to them was just " be strong and just let it go " . and all of these , made me feel that all of them are just the same . just like what one of them said once . however , look at what the person have done . breaking someone's heart tremendously without any feeling of symphaty and without thinking of the sacrifices made just to be with the person . listening to every of this .. just made me have the fear .. somehow , i always picture myself to be in that type of situation .. and i will be thinking .. will i be that strong to go through all this ? every night i will wish that all of such things will happen to me .. there's still more , bottled up , just cant express in using words .
Blogged @ 10:26 PM
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I dont even wish to wear that dress even if i like it ! just forget about the dress . and i can forget about having a wonderful birthday .
Blogged @ 4:27 PM
Don't let me go -

Fun & laughters

took our malay O lvl results already . hee . so happy . wee ~
then while waiting for the time to pass , M.I.S.S played a game . it was damn fun . wanted to update the results of our game . but i cant remember all as the paper is with Ikaa .

here are just what i roughly remember :

Myra : childish , future bitch , minah rep , pantat jep , suka tidur , garang , kurang ajar , backstabber , tak sikat rambut

Ikaa : minah kampong , step jambu , suka bau bantal , mature

Shiks : neat , rajin , pemalas , suka gelek , suka garu-garu , sleepwalk , suka ngigau

Syai : busuk , jambu , kental , playgirl , horny , suka kiss2 , suka nyanyi , queen of noisy

the full version will be at Ikaa's blog (:
Blogged @ 4:12 PM
Don't let me go -

okay . tomorrow will be another day of prelims . haish . tomorrow will be chemistry and maths paper one . ohh my ! still have yet to revise .. damn it . nehmind . after this , the rest of the paper will only be eng and malay . hahs . so after tomorrow , i dont need to revise for prelims anymore . and it means that O's is getting much nearer . ohh my ! have to study . for my prelims so far , i have studied hard for my combine humans . hehe . but i slacked on physics as i only studied a little of it . and i really slacked for fnn to the max ! i tried studying . but ended up , i cant study at all . i dont think i will pass for my fnn . hahs . need to wake up ! and for poa , as usual .. i studied . but dont know if i can pass . haha . stupid me ! okay2 .. i have been stressing out myself and my mood is very sensitive these days . argh . and all that i want is to eat and non stop eat . in fact , i think i do have a list of what i wanna eat . haha !

• Chocolate PODS
• ferrero rondnoir
• cadbury chocolate with roasted almonds
• Mc Spicy
• UNAGI PASTA !
• sushi
• kimchi fried rice
• ban mian
• seafood baked rice
• sundae hot fudge
• pineapples !

and many more . ahah . i feel like eating at Pastamania so much . haha . ohh ya . and i miss coffee bean (: i could barely remember the last time i went there . haha . okayy . enough of this . hee . i need to get my butt out of here and get back on task . haha . i cant concentrate . but i will try . haha . XP
Blogged @ 1:08 PM
Don't let me go -

just now i sat for my math paper 2 and science paper 1 . ohh gosh . there's lots that i didnt know how to do for math . but for science it was okayy . tomorrow is geography paper and poa paper 2 . argh . gosh damn it . i feel so lazy to study for poa . only have a little hope for that .

anyway , as instruct by ikaa and shiks . they told me to do a wish list somewhere such as here , as birthday is coming . next month though . and here you go . haha ...

• handphone (i need it badly , but impossible )
• more Dresses !
• Levis watch .
• everlast pumps
• knee length skirt
• side bag
• headband
• Diary !
• necklace

okayy . i think this is enough . there's lots more in mind . but not now . haha .
anyway , there's lots more that i wanna write .. but i dont think it will be nice .. so let's just forget about it .. aniwae , it may seem that im okay . but deep inside , you never know .
once there's a mark , it will always be there . once you are labelled as that , i guess you will always be labelled as that . just like once you are a **** , you will always be known as a **** . it may seem that im talking nonsense , but that's what i really felt of myself .. i better stop here than writing more . or else all those that is really hurtful may just come out here .
Blogged @ 3:22 PM
Don't let me go -

suddenly , i feel so empty .
trying to figure out what is it ..
but to no avail .
i have never find an answer .
thought that it was nothing .
but this feeling have been following me .
following me every time im alone .
there's something deep down in my heart .
whispering something .
however , it can never be heard .
thought of letting it out .
but i cant .
thought that i was able to ignore it .
but i failed .
this feeling is taking over me .
what is it about ?
my heart is yearning for something .
something that i didnt even know .
what is this feeling that is getting over me ?
is it that i am being ego ?
that i didnt want to express what i really felt .
the fear of love .
the fear of facing reality .
the fear of the future .
the fear of everything .
what is this stupid feeling about ?
tried to focus on the things that im doing .
but nothing seems right .
lost concentration .
lost my way .
lost in full of abandoned questions .
my mind is full of questions .
wanted to ask .
but just cant let it out .
what is wrong with me ?
feel like giving up .
but i cant .
to make it simple .
i dont understand what im going through ..
im just full of questions ..
and lost in two world .
reality and fantasy .
Blogged @ 3:30 PM
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currently , i am doing some notes on geography for this Thursday paper .. just now , i sat for social studies paper and physics paper .. damn it . i cant do the physics paper . however , for social studies , i think its the first time i managed to do the SEQ . haha . that one also , i didn't know if i can score . argh . regretted that i didn't study enough for physics . i concentrate too much on social studies . haiyoo . furthermore , these few days , i find it hard to study .. haish . why must it be during this period of time ? one after another .. firstly , it was my family .. then followed by another stupid problem . damn it . yesterday and the night before , i fell sick due to lots of pressure .. i was worried that i cant sit for my prelims . but lucky , im fine already . nothing to worry about . yesterday , i spent the day all by myself . i just feel like being alone . i wanna take a break after all those problems .. know what , i just realised that whenever i want to take some major exams , i will have to overcome a lot of stupid problems . firstly , it was during MYE . now , its during prelims . OHH MYY ! And i realised its over the same silly issue . haiyoo . i need concentration ! actually , there's a lot that i want to let out . but to think back , i think there's too many and all those that i am about to update is going to be harsh on some people . so i think i better not . let me just keep it within myself ..
Blogged @ 2:25 PM
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Blogged @ 8:05 PM
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