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Friday, April 30, 2010

thanks to someone for your message in the middle of the night. read your message and just burst into tears. sorry. but i just find that i'm hurt. yeah, i know, my hurt can never be compared to yours and him. i have hurt the both of you. especially Nana.. hm.. thanks for saying all those i really appreciates it.. i hope that our friendship goes on well without anything that happened in the past to worsened it.

lots of things to write. but right now, i'm tired.. Night.

p.s : I wanna be with you. but I'm afraid that I would hurt you again. and I'm afraid nothing will be the same..

Blogged @ 11:47 PM
Don't let me go -


i'm back to square one. i am confused with my own feelings. now that you have know who is really in my heart, you just leave without any word. i waited. and waited. and at last, i took in my friends suggestion. i like you. but i dont love you. i'm sorry to have hurt you. i really didnt mean to..

haish. again. i've hurt someone's heart. haish. and right now, i'm hurt myself. tears rolling down my cheeks. haish. i'm such a weak girl. i'm the one who hurt the person. yet, i'm the one crying. how hypocrite can i be? haha. very good Syai. you're doing great.

hm.. there's alot in my mind. but i just dont feel like letting out yet. there's just too much to let out.. really too much.. T_T

i'm sorry. i really didnt mean to hurt you. i thought you knew. but i guess i'm wrong. i appreciate all that you have done for me.. thanks a lot.. and sorry to have trouble you too much.. sorry for giving you hope. sorry for everything..

Blogged @ 12:38 AM
Don't let me go -

Thursday, April 22, 2010

i've always hurt people.. haish. i just don't know what i'm supposed to do.. i keep on hurting people without knowing.. and once i've hurt them, they will be gone the next moment.. i'm sorry.. i'm truly sorry. i guess, it's better that i'm not being loved by anyone. cause those who love me, will always tend to get hurt by me.. haish. why must my life be like this? i hate hurting people. i know how does it feel to be hurt by the one you loved. but still many of them got hurt by me.. haish. my life is so terrible. i keep on hurting them and losing them.. where is my happy life that i used to have.. all the laughters that i have will always bring tears in my eyes.. what have happened to me?

i told you how i felt. and you are there giving me your sarcastic answers. i know i've hurt you. im truly am sorry. haish. i guess i really deserve it. i really does. after all that i have done to you.. this treatment is the best treatment that i should receive from you.. im sorry to have contact you again. i just need you to listen to what i need to say. but i think its all nothing to you already. and it does not bother you again. the past keep on coming back to my mind.. they are bringing tears into my eyes.. but i know it mean nothing to you already. haish. im sorry. now i cant bring myself to accept him.. i really cant.. cause i know there's still you. i know this is bullshit for you. as that time i said i dont need you an.more. but seriously.. you wont understand what's deep in my heart. i just wish that i could take out my heart and show you all its contents.. i really feel like giving up in life. in relationship. in everything i do. now if you see me, i am no longer the Idah that you know. i have totally changed. i am starting to become worst.. really worst.. i am drifted to the wrong path again..

i feel like i have lost everything in life.. and i dont want to move on. i feel like slashing myself. hurt myself. and lying in a bed full of my blood. and off i go.. every morning i wake up, i wish that the day pass by quick. cause i hate waking up. and seeing my phone with no more you.. now, i always look at our photos just to feel the love we had last time.. the love that i thought would always be there.. but its sad that its me who simply end everything.. now, im updating this in full of tears rolling down my cheeks.. but i know all this tears may just be crocodile tears in your eyes. i'm going to start writing my diary and let go off everything.. all my cries.. and everything..

i'm trying to move on.. but i can't.. i miss you. and i still love you..

Blogged @ 7:51 PM
Don't let me go -

Thursday, April 15, 2010

reading and seeing other people out there really made me feel super lonely when the fact that i have lots of people around me.. im sad to remember that you sad we can either be back together or strangers. hm.. and now, im back to school, my friends are asking me if i am attached. and amazingly, i didnt say that im single. idk why. i said that you're my bf. hahs. im lying to myself? how sad can that be.. haish. but yeah, now the know already. i just told them that actually im no longer with you. i cant be lying to myself anymore. even if i know in my heart there's you. and only you dear. i just cant take it when they keep on asking about what happened to us when i said now that our relationship is complicated. so yeah. i just decided to tell them that im no longer with you. hm. how sad can i sound ? hm.. im moving on. but i dont know why when people asked me about me having a boyfriend or not, i will just say ya i have one. and i said that's you dear. hm.. maybe i am moving on.. but deep inside, i just hope for you to be in my life again. dear, remember what nenek said? and ya, i too want it that way. just have faith. and let's wait for each other. right now, we just move on with our life. and not to worry about my love. cause no matter what. no matter if it changes or not. i'll still end up being with you. and you should know that.. i really hope so.. i still love you, Nana.. i miss you freaking lots.

the last text you sent to me in the morning, makes me cry. i really miss those words from you, honey. T_T
okay, im done till here. suddenly tears rolling down my cheeks.

Blogged @ 7:42 PM
Don't let me go -

Sunday, April 11, 2010

its good to hear that you are happy for me dear.. so yeah.. right now, we will just move on.. if there's still hope.. then there is.. but if there's no hope.. then i guess we better off as friends. i too am thankful for all the memories.. and it will be cherished in my memories.. i just hope that now nothing will stain our friendship.. let's keep all the bad memories behind and start anew as friends. now i just hope that you will be happy too.. thanks again for everything.. the kind treatment that you have given me.. and just everything.. i appreciate it lots.. thanks dear..

Blogged @ 2:56 PM
Don't let me go -

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

i was afraid of making the wrong decision.. but right now.. i think i've made the right one. i know i miss you. i know i love you. and you know that i'm always by your side even if we are no more together. i wanna say thanks to you coz i'm happy with the way i am now. i dont know how this may sound to you.. but Nana.. i am very thankful to you. thanks for everything. i want you to know that i am happy now. and seriously, i am happy with you too.. and i hope its the same for you. i hope that the way i talked to you just now will help to show to you how my life is now. and i hope that you're happy about it although it hurts to think of what had happened. Nana, i still love you, aite? you take care. and always be happy. just think that i'm always there Honey. (:

love,
idah

Blogged @ 12:37 AM
Don't let me go -

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

its over.. and im really down.. now.. i need to relax my mind. move on. and concentrate on my school.

dear, i still love you. but i dont know about you.. im just hoping that everything will be fine between us as friends.. a real close friends.. and get back together when im ready for another try. i love you. thanks for all the wonderful memories we have had together. you take care dear..

love,
Idah

Blogged @ 12:36 AM
Don't let me go -

Thursday, April 1, 2010

the thought of putting it at end makes me burst into tears.. i didnt want to experience this day when i am leaving you.. i need you.. i love you.. i miss you.. yet, im just too hurt already.. i've been silence all this while as i dont want to hurt you.. i think of your happiness.. yet this is what i get in return.. you may think why is it that i bring up all this so sudden.. if you were really to ask me.. my answer will be.. i cant take it anymore.. i have been suffering alone for such a long time.. my heart cries everytime it happened.. i tried to stop you.. i told you how much i wanted all of it to stop.. and you said okay. its the last. and your sorry. but.. what have you been giving me all this while again? isnt it the same thing that you have been doing that i really hate.. we have gone through alot together, dear.. alot.. and all those sacrifices and effort that we made to overcome every hurdles are those things that makes me to find it hard to leave you.. i really dont want to leave you dear.. i love you too much.. just too much.. i have never loved anyone like this.. just you.. and you have made me to hate you.. thinking back of all your words to me.. they are just simply nothing. now that i have tell you about how i feel.. about what's my decision.. your replies somehow hurts me.. i know you're hurt.. but seriously.. nothing can be compared to how hurt i am.. imagine.. i have been telling you to change.. just one thing.. yet its so hard for you.. if you really love me.. from the first time i tell you to change.. you will really try to change.. but even after alot of times.. you're still the same.. i hate you for that.. what have happened to you? i dont wish to carry on our relationship if everything remains the same.. i want you to let me go.. i want to end our relationship.. not because i dont love you.. but its because i've love you too much.. i'll wait till you change.. i'll wait for the day that you will prove to me that you are worth to be given a chance AGAIN. i'll leave you to make you realise everything. even after once, twice and thrice, you still cant realise what you have been doing.. this is the best that i could think of right now. remember.. my love for you is too deep that its hard to be removed nor replace. i too want to put this at end as i want to concentrate.. i want to study hard. i've made my mom disappoint in me.. i've made her cried.. i've hurt her.. i want to do the best that i can to amend all my mistakes to her.. i want to make her proud of me despite all the mistakes.. i've done so much wrong to her.. and now im worried that when i start schooling and our relationship is still like this.. im afraid i wont be able to study.. i love you. and will always love you. no one is able to replace you. if we really do separate, just bear in mind.. you're still my nana.. i just need you to change.. use this time to change dear.. i love you. i cant bear to see you hurt. but im helpless. im sorry. i miss you.. and i need you..

Blogged @ 2:13 AM
Don't let me go -