bored sitting at home. argh. hm.. nothing to update eh. how? hahs. but i really feel like updating. haiseybedah! haha. let me talk about my boring day then. hahs. woke up at 915 and i thought that i was late for work. padahal.. today im not working. stupid right? then i tried to sleep back. but cant. then went to charge handphone for awhile. and mum saw me and yet she shouted at me to tell me to wake up ? and i was like, am i sleeping right now, standing? and went to bathe. and mum shouted again. telling me to fetch my sister as she's sick. so i went out to fetch my sister. and on my way back i bought breakfast. haha. padahal nenek at home cooking already. hahs. but i cant wait for her and i am craving for mee soto. so yeah, i bought that. haha. then bought bubble tea for nenek and bp aunt. and my sister too. she sick, but still want to drink bubble tea. oh ya, when i went to fetch her, there's this little girl, primary 1, sitting at the security area there as she want her mummy. then she asked the security guard why my sister can go home but she cannot. then the security guard said, " she's sick. so she can go home.. " and the little girl replied, " not fair! " in a cute sad yet high tone voice. haha. then i told her to don't be sad and must school so can become clever.. then she said to me that she dont want as she want her mummy. so cute. and i didnt dare to talk more. afraid that she'll cry. then after i had my breakfast at home, i went to sweep the floor.. and then i get ready to go BP to fetch my cuzin from school. woah, now i realise.. today my job is to fetch people from school. haha. oh ya, before i fetch her, i met hubby. in uni no. 4 ! (: hothothot! haha.. i loike! then spent time before he went for prayer and me fetching my cuzin. hehe. then after i fetch them, i went to their house as the house key is with me. and then spent time at there relaxing while waiting for my cuzins to be done with their own thing. oh ya, the cat at there so kurang asam. when i reached there, its under the sofa. told the cat to go out from there as i wanna play with it. but to no avail. stupid larh. but when i wanna go out already, the cat went out as he's hungry. so i gave him food. yeah. then played with it for a while. its been a long time since i touched a cat. haha. miss Benny! haha.. oh ya, the cat at my aunt's place is also quite big. but not as big as benny. haha.. first time saw her cat. coz its been a long time since i went there. hahs. after we make a move from her house, i brought my cuzins to fajar shopping centre as one of them is hungry and there's no food at home.. and she went to school while me and her sister headed to BPP. went to naked fish! haha. ( dear, i got what im craving for (: ) haha. then went to buy drinks at 7 eleven as my cuzin is thirsty. hahs. then she need the loo. and we headed to mcd. and when i went into mcd, there's a bunch of guys looking at me. i ignored them that i cant even hear them calling my name. should be my friend. opps. i ignored him. but idk who as i didnt even give them a glance. i know that they are calling my name as my cuzin heard them calling me but i just walked away. haha.. till now, im thinking.. who are they? no wonder they keep on looking at me from the moment i enter the door. and then, we went home. haha. when reached home, idk why im so rajin today that i washed the toilet? haha. washed my clothes and end up washing the toilet too. haha. and just now, there's a war at home. my brother, sisters and cuzin shouting at each other. and me? i just tegur my sister that if she shout, she's the one making more noise. coz she was shouting at my brother and sister, who was fighting with each other, to tell them that they are very noisy. stupid larh. she her ownself making the most noise. non stop shouting. and i just said, " i dont want to get involve. you all so noisy. and stop all the nonsense. alr sec, but act like a kid. " and straight after i said that.. everything went silence. as my cuzin called her mum to complain. while my sister called my mom to complain. haiyoo. this two sister and brother of mine.. they can never joke around together. as this will be the result. everytime. know what's the worst part? my brother wants to strangle my sister with a towel. he's just like my father. PANAS BARAN. idk how else to tell him to control his anger. he cant move on like this uh. i dont want my brother to be someone like my father. i need him to learn to control himself. i cant ignore his attitude like this. he may hurt anyone when he's real mad. just like just now. but idk how to talk to him.. should let him grow more mature to think about it. coz i know, till now.. he's like a kid. tsk.okay. im done for now. haha!

dear, im counting to 1st feb! u planning kan? okay best! haha..
Blogged @ 8:26 PM
Don't let me go -

family are the ones that help you and they are always there when you're in need of some encouragement to move on.. but what happened to me? they are the ones that demoralize me to excel and do better.. they didn't give any support or word of encouragement. instead words of discouragement comes out from every of you.. i want to achieve my goal. but all of you are stopping me from doing so. its my future. i know you all wants the best. but what are you giving me right now? what are all this nonsensical that you all give me? putting all the blame on me.. come on uh. think back. so far, during my exams, what did you all do to give me support? you all give NOTHING. in fact, you all are making me feel more stressful at home. till now, there's nothing that you all do to give me courage to move on and achieve my goal in life. i know i'm already spoiled. but you all are making things worst. i want to give myself another chance to revive and do much better.. but it seems like you all won't agree with it at all. what should i say about this attitude of all of you? all of you are just being selfish. i know that the fees are not cheap. but did i say i want you to pay for every of it? i didn't even ask you to pay anything. because i know it will be hard for you. i'm helping you and myself to get a better life. but this is what i get? i know i'm a failure right now. but it doesn't mean that i will always be a failure throughout my life. but if i were to get this kind of attitude from each of you.. my life will end here. there will be no future for me. seriously, now you all are making me to quit studying, do you know that? NO. you DON'T. why? cause you have never asked me for my own perception of thinking. even if you asked, you will do NOTHING to change your decision or anything. now i'm just trying to find encouragement and support for me to do things on MY WAY. i want to excel and achieve my goal. but i KNOW. I WILL NEVER GET ANY SUPPORT FROM PEOPLE WHO ARE CALLED MY OWN. and i have stop myself from hoping for any words of encouragement from any of you. thanks a lot for making myself demoralized. ily people.

Blogged @ 12:35 AM
Don't let me go -

met Hubby on Tuesday(: i had a really nice day with him.. its been so long since we met. and im missing him lots. heh. went to have breakfast. but he didnt. except that he just ate a little bit. ( not counted eh dear) haha.. then we went to sit and relax.. had fun chatting.. reading magazine together.. doing the quizzes in the magazine.. and the most important part, we had a great time. and seriously , i felt really happy on that day. its like im on cloud nine. as its been like ages since i met him.. and this time when we met, there's alot of laughters.. at least to me it is.. but to you, im not sure sayang.. whatever it is, thanks for the time spent.. even though, the we cant meet for long, its okay.. i still have had a great day with you.. now im looking forward for our anni.. just hope that nothing last minute happen that we may need to change plans again. and i hope that this will be another day which is full of laughter.. i want it to the memorable day.. but.. i need your help in planning, sayang. i cant manage alone.. heh. hm.. but one thing is making me sad as days passed by.. im going to miss you so much when you go for NS.. which is why too, if can, i want to spent as much time as i can.. and i've been planning to meet you every week at least once.. but is that possible dear? with me working and the things going on in our personal life? hm.. anw, thanks so much dear for comforting me.. appreciate it lots, bie.. ILY !
Blogged @ 12:40 AM
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when will everything recover? imisstheoldtimes,dear. i miss the laughters we had together. the memories we had together during our relationship.. everything is just so sweet for me to let go. confession. sometimes, i do feel like breaking up. but i keep on asking myself.. will i be able to move on? what will happen to u, me and us? what will happen to all those beautiful memories we had together? despite im hurt alot of times, i still stay strong and tell myself, everything is going to be okay. relax. maybe, me being no feeling is all the effect of this. i've cried enough in my lonely nights. but to think back, why cry? every tears is precious. but i still didnt give a damn. i love you too much that im like this. if i really dont love you or care abt you, i could have end our relationship without stretching it much longer. when i first accept you, yeah. i have no feelings for you. but i didnt realise how the feelings grew in me that till now, nothing change my love for you. trust me. i know i've been telling you abt my love for you is not the same. but its all a lie. a lie and not the truth. i never thought to have love you that much. remember dear.. when you asked me to think abt it and tell what's my decision? you know, from that moment i feel as though its the end. i wanted to end it. but all the memories and things that we have been through, tell me not to let you go and tells me that this will just be a matter of time. even if there's no more trust. if i really dont love you, we wont have gone this far.. and if i really dont love you, the moment you made me feel i really cant move on, i would have ask you to let me go.. i miss those beautiful memories. i miss the time when everything was smooth for us. where people envy us for having no problems.. only if i heard nothing abt you.. maybe nothing like this will happen. however, it can also be the same. dear, i need to get things set right. i cant move on like this. this is like hell. i miss the moments when you made me laugh nonstop.. i miss those moments whereby im full of laughter and bubbly. now, everything is gone.. i want it back. i miss the old times so freaking much.. i miss you too..
Blogged @ 2:23 AM
Don't let me go -

i know.. im no more the Idah that you used to know.. how i wish that i didnt not change.. how i wish that nothing that have made things to be like this to happen.. i realised that my attitude towards you is different.. i realised that these days, we cant bring up a conversation. i didnt mean to say all that bad characteristic of you.. i just know that there's something that hinders me from being like i used to be. somehow too, i find that all that have happened, made me to have no feelings. sometimes i do feel that my heart is empty. when i asked myself why, i will just end up in deep thoughts.. im like lost in another world. im like trying to look into the future. how will my life be? when will all this misery end? when will things get back to its usual place? lots and lots of question are playing in my mind.. but there are no answers to any of it. is this what people call life? to think back, my life has never have a long lasting happiness.. my childhood, my teen life.. all gone in a glance. where's the life that everyone would love? people say live your life to the fullest. but me? am i able to live my life to the fullest? im trying my best to pull through all that have been happening.. but i've always found myself struggling.. these days, my emotions arent stable. could get angry at any time. irritated at most of the time. and i hate sitting alone. even though, i used to love being alone. but now, no. haish. im tired.

iloveyounomatterwhat.itsjustamatteroftime..

Blogged @ 2:06 AM
Don't let me go -

finally.. everything is back as it should be.. thanks to those who have helped me. i really hope that this time, everything will move on smoothly as we said, we'll start a new beginning(:
iloveyou,dear.

happy birthday to my granddad. haha. getting old will make one to be more like a kid. seriously. today idk how many times he called home to talk with her beloved wife. haha. CUTE larh eyy. my granddad is really acting like a kid today. haha. he silently trying to find out what we are planning for him as late last year he said that we always celebrate his wife's birthday. but not his. then he start to sulk. and we just ignored him. and on monday, me and grandmom discussed about today. haha.. granddad keep on asking grandmom what she's cooking today.. and said to her not to cook and he will treat us. hahs. so yeah, as me and grandmom planned. haha. he told me to order 3 sets of pizza. haha. again. im so going to be fat. pizza for almost every single day. haha. today never work also eat pizza. haiyoo. hahs. so i've ordered it. and now i heard ibu saying that my greatgrandmother is also coming today. haha. really celebrating granddad's birthday.. haha. good that i took a day off today. specially for my granddad. haha. today is going to be like a family reunion. haha. happy 62nd birthday Granddad! (: Live long.

Blogged @ 11:19 AM
Don't let me go -

why do these days im feeling so down? everytime im alone.. i will feel freaking down.. what's happening? i feel as though everyone that i've planted hope for them to lend me a listening ear gone in just a moment.. the one whom i've always needed is also.. like gone when im in need.. not in need. just when im lonely.. who should i turn to? i need you. but why must i be left with no one else except my MISS. my dear friend, you're always there when im in need. but not anymore. now that i've found someone to replace you, i feel as though now, that friend of mine is going away too.. my dear.. where are u when i need a shoulder to cry on? idk what's the reason that im crying for.. but what i know is that im really feeling freaking lonely.. i need a friend.. besides my MISS.. i really need a friend.. another close friend.. someone who will always be there for me when im in need and when he's not there.. it was just for a moment that i feel that i've found a replacement.. where all my friends that used to be always there for me? i hate being alone.. i hate feeling like this..

I NEED A COMPANY WHO CAN ALWAYS BE THERE FOR ME..
Blogged @ 12:37 AM
Don't let me go -

im enjoying my work when there's them . and seriously. i wont mind working every single day with them. its just super fun. right now, i really have nothing to update. coz there's too much in my head. hahs. this coming thurs, if not wrong, im working at JE. Afai! im coming there. you better be working uh. hahs! if not, i have to trouble myself again by adapting to the people there. hahs. at least if there's you, you can help me out. and i wont be lonely.(: haha..

today, im going out with MISS ! yeay . hope to have lots and lots of fun (: i miss them lots.

dear, imy.
Blogged @ 10:37 AM
Don't let me go -