<!-- --><!-- --><style type="text/css">@import url(http://beta.blogger.com/css/navbar/classic.css); div.b-mobile {display:none;} </style> <meta name='google-adsense-platform-account' content='ca-host-pub-1556223355139109'/> <meta name='google-adsense-platform-domain' content='blogspot.com'/> <!-- --><style type="text/css">@import url(https://www.blogger.com/static/v1/v-css/navbar/3334278262-classic.css); div.b-mobile {display:none;} </style> </head><body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/platform.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar.g?targetBlogID\x3d2607199766271125734\x26blogName\x3dSyai\x26publishMode\x3dPUBLISH_MODE_BLOGSPOT\x26navbarType\x3dSILVER\x26layoutType\x3dCLASSIC\x26searchRoot\x3dhttps://her-inner-voice.blogspot.com/search\x26blogLocale\x3den_US\x26v\x3d2\x26homepageUrl\x3dhttp://her-inner-voice.blogspot.com/\x26vt\x3d2244468885292950278', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe" }); } }); </script> <iframe src="http://beta.blogger.com/navbar.g?blogID=36048451" height="30px" width="100%" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" id="navbar-iframe" frameborder="0"></iframe> <div id="space-for-ie"></div>
Sunday, February 14, 2010

i wanna blog. alot in my mind. but nothing came out. haish. update some other time when i have put everything into sentence..

Blogged @ 12:00 AM
Don't let me go -

Thursday, February 11, 2010

I MISS US

Blogged @ 3:39 PM
Don't let me go -


haha. why lost 4 important people coz of 1 guy? hey.. they are just my friends.. dont worry.. i know they are still there.. so i didnt lost them.. and ya.. coz i love you too much that i didnt say much about it.. and know what.. im fine with it already.. in fact you did help me, you know.. so its okayy.. dont need to worry about me losing my friends larh.. (:

Blogged @ 3:10 PM
Don't let me go -


do what you think is the best. and if you dont want or forced to bother about it. might as well dont.. (:

Blogged @ 2:55 PM
Don't let me go -


somehow.. i really find that you are like being forced, you know that.. listen.. i just need things to be the same.. this is not settle yet if you think that this is the way its going to be.. truly.. what is it that you want? i never said that you cant bother about my social life.. i really dont know what else to say.. i just feel like everything have went upside down. when i said you dont need to worry about me. you sort of scold me. and now.. you say like this. seriously.. do you think that everything is going to be fine like this? and about you saying that you will bother about my education.. you really sound like you have no choice. but to bother. what's happening nie?

Blogged @ 2:43 PM
Don't let me go -


that's just a random post my dear. dont misunderstand it.. i just say i feel.. it doesnt mean im really saying that.. please. when will this end? how long more do you want to let this go on like this?

Blogged @ 2:06 PM
Don't let me go -


this is killing me. just too much to post. im just being so random.
(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:
yeah. this is then the sewel syai.

Blogged @ 1:53 PM
Don't let me go -


im enjoying every moment in life from now on. yeah(:

Blogged @ 1:52 PM
Don't let me go -


life is just so great(:

Blogged @ 1:45 PM
Don't let me go -


i really dont understand.. why is it that every of what i said comes in the other way for you.. now.. by you saying that.. i feel like you are really giving up on me.. as i said.. i did not blame you.. i really dont blame you.. dont you understand that? and all that im doing is just to make things better for the both of us.. tell me.. what should i do now? knowing that you are really not going to bother about it anymore.. seriously.. might as well.. i will just give up on everything too.. everything just crashed.. im saying goodbye to my goal in life. im really giving up.. no use already since there's no one that will be there to lend me their support.. even you? i'll just make my family's thought of me be a reality. and they will be really happy. im giving up. (:

Blogged @ 1:37 PM
Don't let me go -


somehow. i just find some people are being hypocrite. advice on thing to one party. and another different side of the advice to another party. why are there this kind of people?
mark me. this is just a random post that's in my mind since yesterday afternoon. yeah. (:

Blogged @ 1:31 PM
Don't let me go -


hm.. i know that i did get mad at you for quite long.. but that was due to the reason that i found it by myself.. its okay if you still wanna be mad at me over it.. and you said you have forgiven me.. but still.. why do i feel that you havent? why do i feel that whenever you told me to keep my sorry to myself, i feel as though you dont want and cant accept my apology? since now you have said that you have forgiven me.. thank you.. anyway. im not the one who judge if my mistake is huge.. you're the one who have to make that judgement.. i just need to know.. that's all.. and by the way.. no one make me to post that entry.. its really just me.. im not siding the one you think that have made me said that.. but honestly, that's what's in my mind.. im sorry cause you dont like me sharing our problems with anyone.. for you, i will try to keep everything to myself then.. i just dont want to have any problems between us about another party. i have had enough. i realised.. with everyone im close with.. that person will be the cause of our problem.. just every of them.. sometimes i really feel like its better for me not to make anymore friends out there.. coz i know.. when i make friends.. most of them will be guys and i tend to be just too close with them.. and that may bring another problem.. i guess.. i really should stop making friends. im not blaming you anyway.. im really doing this for own good.. right now.. i just want things to get settled and i dont want to hang on like this for a longer time.. i need us to be normal..i want to bring back the laughter that we have always had together.. be it on the phone or when we meet.. i really cant move on like this.. now im trying to set myself back to track. i have lost concentration in everything.. and i tend to easily get sick.. so i need strength to move on on my own at least.. and i need to set things right between us.. cause right now.. i depend everything on you.. i want to do well in my studies.. yet i feel like giving up even before i start it.. i really cant depend on my family.. there's only you left.. if we keep on having problems like this.. how can i move on? where can i get my strength and motivation from? i need us to be like we used to be, dear.. i really miss us..

Blogged @ 1:01 PM
Don't let me go -


my mind is blank. i dont know what i should prove to you.. somehow i think back.. was my mistake so huge? maybe it is.. but isnt good enough for me to be honest with you rather than you finding out everything by yourself? if you find out things by yourself.. you'll be more hurt than now.. but still.. you're still mad over it.. somehow i feel like im being childish right now.. but what can i do? im just going to let out everything that's in my mind. so, mind my words.
i really didnt want to do this.. but im really helpless.. you remembered all the mistakes that i found out by myself? you said that it has no solid ground to proof that you're cheating on me.. but still.. i get to know it by myself.. and i didnt be mad at you for so long. for every mistake of yours, im the one who found it out. and you kept it from me. even though you said it does not have a solid ground.. its enough to hurt me. and now.. just this mistake of mine.. and good enough.. i told you honestly.. still.. there's no room of forgiveness. and things are still the way it is from that day. tell me.. what else should i prove to you? what? im blank.. so tell me.. i thought.. being honest is good enough.. but im wrong.
you've always asked me to put myself in your shoe.. this is my answer to you.. if i were you..
i cant deny the fact that i'll get mad.. but i must be positive.. i'll keep on telling myself that she's just your colleague.. and nothing more.. and i'll try to think back what have i did to hurt you before that i got this.. how much have i hurt you.. how are your treatment towards me all the while.. and i'll tell myself.. i should give you chance as its good enough that you're being honest..
im sorry if my post makes things worst.. but this is what im really feeling. everytime im lost in deep thoughts.. i will always asked myself.. what have i done? was my mistake so huge? was my mistake unforgivable? did i do another mistake by being honest? did i did a mistake by telling you about it by myself? am i so bad that you are mad for a long period of time? what if just for this mistake of mine, you break off our relationship? was my mistake so huge that you want to leave me? was my mistake the worst mistake anyone could ever make? why is it that just this mistake of mine, everything have changed? all this while.. i have heard alot about you from many parties.. all about your mistake.. and if im not wrong.. i still stay strong.. and i let it go.. and forget about it.. even though im really hurt coz i got to know it from other way and not from you.. and even till now.. i close all my questions that have yet to be answered about all of those i found out.. but why now for me.. things are so different? im sorry to have bring up this.. im really sorry.. i just cant bear with us being like this.. but i dont want to lose you..

Blogged @ 12:15 AM
Don't let me go -


there's alot in my mind. yet nothing came into words. but i need to let it out. fcuk.

Blogged @ 12:12 AM
Don't let me go -

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

when will there be room for forgiveness for me? when will all of this end? i hate moving on like this.. but im the one who have caused all of this. thanks Idah. you're GREAT. even if im the one who have caused it.. yet.. i still cry every single moment.. how shameless brat am i ? went to work with tears brimming in my eyes all the way.. trying to not let the tears drop.. but i cant hold on to it that i cried when i reached work. how shameless. really shameless. when on my way home.. again.. it happened.. i really dont feel like going home.. if possible, i wanna go to OUR place.. i wanna let go off everything.. i dont want to hold my tears.. i wanna let it all go.. i've spent most of my time wondering around.. till my mom talked to me also i ignored.. and sorry mom. i dont feel like doing anything. im lazy to go register. i dont want to do anything more.. as long as this is not settled.. i will think of nothing. not even my education. i dont give a damn anymore. coz i am stupid. (: so no use to do anything.. even my family gave up on me.. might as well give up.

imsorry.sosorry.verysorry.extremelysorry.
imsorry.reallysorry.veryverysorry.imsorry.
extremelysorry.pleaseforgiveme.
imveryveryverysorry.sosorry.
imsostupidtohavedonethat.imsorry.
verysorry.extremelysorry.
thoughtherewontbeanyroomforforgiveness.
iwontstopapologising.
imsorry.reallysorry.extremelysorry.
imsorry.imsorry.imsorry.reallysorry.
veryverysorry.extremelysorry.miserablysorry.
imveryveryveryveryverysorry.imsosorry..
imsosorry..imextremelyapologetic.
imreallysorry!imreallysorry.
imextremelyveryveryverysorry.
ididntwanttobreakyourheart.
imsosorry!imreallysorry.trulysorry.
iknownomatterhowmuchibegforforgiveness..
iwontbeeasyforyoutoforgiveme..
imsosorry!reallysorry!
iwontstopapologisinguntileverythingisokay.
imsososososososososososososorry!
imreallyreallyreallyverysorry!
imsorry!imsoveryveryverysorry.
imextremelysorry.reallysorry.
trulytrulysorry.forgiveme.
imsosososososorry.imextremelysorry.
reallysorry.trulysorry.miserablysorry..

Blogged @ 11:39 PM
Don't let me go -


even if you sound fine, i know nothing is fine. i dont know how else i should seek for forgiveness.. i could feel that you're really mad at me even if you didnt show it to me.. when you called and told me to relax and enjoy myself.. you sound so calm.. so fine.. but my heart says you're not.. you're still mad at me and you're just doing that to make me stop crying. i know.. even my tears all meant nothing.. i know im not the one who is suppose to let go off the tears.. im the one who hurt you. im the one at fault. so i should not be crying.. i dont deserve any good treatments from you.. i dont deserve a shoulder to cry on. i dont deserve any sympathy. i dont deserve anything that's a bliss. even to enjoy my outing with my friends as you want me to.. i dont deserve all that.. i've hurt you. yet im having fun and laughter out there.. whille you.. trying to calm yourself? everytime i hug you.. all i feel is that i dont deserve to hug you anymore after breaking your heart into pieces.. i dont deserve anything from you.. when i met you.. i was like.. how can i have the cheek to meet you and asked you to be like normal? when im on my way to meet you.. all that was playing in my mind was.. who am i to ask for all that after breaking your heart? what the heck was i doing? and i really feel like im just a *insert word* that doesnt think about your feelings..even when i cry.. i dont expect anything from you.. not even to give me a shoulder to cry on.. but what did i do? i went to you.. like nothing happen and cried. how shameless i am ? how heartless i am? how freaking bitch i am? even to say sorry to you.. my mouth was sealed. coz you said you dont want my apology. how else should i apologise to you? when i called you dear.. you said you have been waiting for me to call you that.. but when i did.. i feel like .. who am i to call you dear after all that have happened? the moment you said that.. tears began to brim in my eyes.. i cant bring myself to call you any words like that.. coz i have the heart to disappoint and break your heart. im really sorry.. haish.. whenever im alone.. no matter how much fun i had before that.. i will end up in tears.. but those tears that flow down my cheeks doesnt deserve a single feeling of sympathy. i just feel so disappointed with myself for what i have done to you.. i just cant bring myself to stop crying or to stop damning myself. i am such a freaking fucking useless heartless person. im sorry but i really cant stop damning myself. i can never forgive myself.. and now i really feel like i want to end everything that im doing right now. i just feel like its better for me to just leave and stop hurting anyone.. stupid things have been running through my mind.. i have disappointed alot of people.. first it was my family.. now you.. who else will be next? sometimes i just wonder when im walking.. why am i born to hurt alot of people? really.. i dont know why these days.. im prone to think negatively.. im thinking.. what if i wonder too much then something bad happened to me? these days, on my way to work.. i have always almost encountered an accident.. it was more that thrice.. now with my unstable state.. what if i cant even hear the horns of the vehicle? i just feel like standing in the middle of the road.. i just feel like giving up in life.. if all i do is to break people's heart.. even if you said you're fine.. nothing is fine for me.. even if my thinking is like this.. im still worried about what may happen during my journey to and back from work.. im just being to prone to getting knocked down. im lost. i really dont know what to do.. i dont know how else to apologise to you.. how i wish i dont love myself. so that i can easily hurt myself everytime i hurt anyone dear to me. life would be so easy for me then. somehow now im thinking.. why didnt my life end when i was six or twelve when death is already near me? i really dont know what im thinking about.. i already dont know what is right and wrong. i have lost my pillar of hope and support. im now shaking without any pillar.. coz i've hurt all my pillar.. i feel that im solely on my own feet to bring myself up. even if you're there.. i dont deserve it.. i really dont deserve it.. coz im such a useless fucking brat. i shall stop loving myself too.. coz i really dont deserve a thing.

Blogged @ 12:05 AM
Don't let me go -

Monday, February 8, 2010

im sorry for my mistake. ya, i guess.. i did not think before i did it.. but when i realised it.. it was too late. im sorry to have broke your heart. im sorry to have done that.. i think.. your trust for me have also gone.. im sorry.. i know even if i say sorry many times, there wont be any room of forgiveness for me. its just to heartbreaking. say anything you want to me. i dont mind. i deserve it. shout at me if you want to. punish me in any way you want. coz i know.. i have made your heart broken.. i should have not done it. i know.. and which is why.. i dont mind you saying anything towards me. just punish me. i really deserve all that you have said since the time you got to know about it.. i should have known the consequences.. but still.. im so bloody stupid. i know.. nothing can amend my mistake. now, you dont even want to text me.. u just want to be alone.. and now i really feel like im going to lose you.. im sorry dear..i just want you to know.. i still love you.. maybe even now, im not suppose to even say those words. im just like those bitches outside there i guess. i deserve those treatment from you. and i dont deserve to say those words to you.. not even to call u hubby or dear.. or anything. im just like any other freaking bad girls out there. who doesnt deserve a thing. i guess.. everything is gone in an instance. all thanks to me. and i myself cant forgive myself for what i have done.. so perhaps, i should give a punishment for myself too kan.. yeah. i should. im sorry. hm.. this word of apology shouldnt have come out from a person like me.. but i really regretted.. now its all up to you to forgive me or not..

Blogged @ 12:44 AM
Don't let me go -

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

i have had a great day today with Hubby. heh. but still. im late for 20 mins. hehs. sorry, hubby.. then headed to orchard.. went to tangs to shop! haha.. bought everlast sneakers, skirt and waistbelt. then we went for lunch.. and headed to marina barrage.. the weather is so freaking hot uh seii. cant bear with it. haha.. then took pictures at there.. and then headed to BB. hahs. then on our way home in the train, i was tired. so i slept on hubby's shoulder and i didnt know that there's someone looking at me ever since he board the train. and i only know it when hubby told me. then, hubby said he feel like punching that guy or something. dear, u tak suka eh? hehe..hubby sort of mad at him coz he keep on looking at me.. then headed to our normal place.. then just spent some time together and headed home.. it was a short day for me. idk for him.. but i really enjoyed it. 9.9 Bie! haha.. thanks for everything and i really extremely enjoyed our 26th month sayang! (:

Blogged @ 12:48 AM
Don't let me go -