haish . i guess u girls will be mad or upset with me . im sorry . its not that i dont wanna talk with u or anything . but its just that im not being myself . things have been hard for me at home .. i find it hard to study .. and now , i feel like giving up .. i dont feel like doing anything .. haish .. today , i have become a really different person .. haish . im sorry , girls .
Blogged @ 5:47 PM
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haish . i dont know what's wrong with me . i guess im too stressed that my head has gone haywire . argh . gosh . damn it . scold everyone like nobody's business . easily irritated . i just feel like banging my head on the wall till it bleeds to death . im freaking frustrated with myself . now , i cant sleep . i feel damn restless and damn mad at myself for dont know what reason . and all i want to do is cry out my whole heart . i just need someone by my side to comfort me .. but i guess , i have also gone haywire with that particular person . somehow , i just got irritated and there you go .. you get me with this freaking bullshit mood . argh ! i hate myself for this ! i think i need to go and meet a psychologist . or even a counsellor . i dont understand what the hell am i suffering from .. its been weeks that i feel easily agitated . i also dont know for how long i never talk at home and i have been like a stone . i only joke around when my friends are there .. but when im alone , i will be like a doll . if anyone in the house talk to me , i will just reply to them in a rude manner . and without knowingly , i will just shout at them . just like what happened to my grandmother . for the first time , i shouted at her .. how devastating can that be for me and her .. right now it 1205am , and i really cant get hold of myself already . im just feel like bursting into tears . argh . i guess i am really too stressed out . i need a break from all this tensions .. i think i will be the only student that will experience this . i guess when my O lvls comes , by then i will be a mad woman , who have lost her mind due to everything that she's going through at the time she hopes for her loved ones to be by her side , giving her support ..right now , i need a loved one and a friend whom i can borrow a shoulder to cry on .. argh . god damn it . i cant take it anymore ! seriously , i need to get over all of this .. i need someone to hear me out . i want to shout out loud . i want the beach . i need to let it all out . but sadly , i dont know what in the world am i going to let out when all my problems are being mixed into one big problem . how i wish i was never born into this world ..
Blogged @ 12:20 AM
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frankly , i dont know what to update . however , this past few days , i have been wanting to update and let out everything that i really feel like letting out .. hahs . seriously , right now , im tired and lazy to update .

anw , Ikaa ! i have lots of things that i wanna buy at indiesin . hahs . most of them are dresses . but sadded . its all out of stock . let's make a shopping list girls !

anw , thanks M.I.S for the lovely pink dress .. and Wanny for the cute little pink lunch box ..
and most of all , Bie ! thanks for your lovely gift (:
Blogged @ 6:59 PM
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Blogged @ 8:59 AM
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im feeling so exhausted . having difficulties to breathe . thanks to my wonderful nose block . haish . my throat is also going to kill me soon .. hm .. going to be sick . ohh my . i cant be sick . now , my stomach is damn painful . i feel so weak . haish . have been having flu since monday .. wth . now , its FNN lesson .. lazy to complete whatever shit that i have to do . hahs . i wanna go home and have my rest .. im feeling suffocated ! i need oxygen . more oxygen . haish . kayy . im done with my rubbish talk . hahs . (:

4 more days XD
Blogged @ 8:52 AM
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currently , im at school . doing fnn . argh . feel so tired . and stupid nose is bloody irritating .. head so heavy . feel like knocking my head . hahs . now , i know i will talk nonsense . haha . later im going for my night study .. then i will have my Kimchi Fried Rice ! hahs . im craving for it .. kay larh . that's all . IM LAZY TO UPDATE ! haha .
Blogged @ 8:52 AM
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Elders .
why dont they understand us ? why are adults like this ? blaming people and accusing people as and when they like .. without even knowing if its right or wrong .. you all said that i never think about all of you .. but you never know how much i feel pressurized thinking about all of you .. perhaps , what i have been doing to help every of you in the future is nothing in your eyes . perhaps you all didnt realise every bit of it .. all of you see is the things that is bad in me .. what have i been doing all this while , you all didnt know .. how much i hate myself for not being able to get all those great marks to success .. just because that i think of how upset you all will be .. are all these nothing in your eyes ? adults never understand us , teenagers . despite of the fact that they themselves have been a teenager before and have gone through all of this in their life .. you all think bad about him .. where else , he's the one that have been giving me support to strive and help the family by doing my best and not to give up .. where else , all of you just cant stop demoralizing me . whenever i need strength , you all will just keep on demoralizing me .. is it wrong for me to be with him ? one more thing , so what if he's a mixed . perhaps , you all think that he's not the same religion . but the fact is that he's just like us . the same religion . islam . by saying all that about him .. just made me hurt .. when u said like that , i just feel like talking back . but i didnt as why , i remembered what he said to me .. whatever it is , never talk back to the elders .. thus , i control myself .. now that you all have know about him .. i will prove to every of you that you all are wrong .. and that we will still be together no matter what . we will prove that what you think are all not right .. the more you say bad things about him , the more i want to hold on and prove to all of you that he's are not like what you think ..

Blogged @ 11:02 PM
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Feeling too tired to update .. hm .. on monday , i bake sweet cappuccino biscuit .. later baking that again .. heh . currently its 0242 am . hm . so , nyte people .
Blogged @ 2:39 AM
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haish . what else should i update here ? my mind is full of things which i dont even understand .. now whenever i talk to you on the phone , i feel as though that nothing can be the same . one day , it was okay . another day , it was not . what the hell is going on wrong right now ? hoping that everything will be the same .. but somehow , i feel as though nothing can be the same .. i wonder why does every of my entry is the same old bullshit thing .. everything is just about the bitter taste of love and life .. somehow , im feeling demoralized by all of this bitterness ..

that's it for now .. i dont know what else to update .. im just blank . now its 0101 am .. still not asleep .. hm .. dont know larh what more to say .. hm .. Gd Nyte people ..
Blogged @ 12:23 AM
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yesterday , he told me everything about the dates and all that i wanted to know about .. however still , im still confused .. i dont know whether i should trust him or not .. i told my aunt about it and she said that i should not trust him easily .. however on the other hand , a friend of mine told me to trust him as he's my bf . part of me wants to believe him . but part of me still does not want to believe him .. i guess my trust for him is really depleting .. im sorry that my trust for you is not that strong ..

today , he went to malaysia in the morning .. he will only be back tomrrow .. dont know what time .. missing him .. haish .. cant contact him .. sadded ..

I Miss My Bie !
Blogged @ 11:43 PM
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somehow , as days passed by .. i have a strong feeling that the feeling that im having is true .. but how will i be able to confirm it ? Shiks , Ikaa . Help me here . I want to settle all of this .. Should i listen to my aunt ? haish . im confused . stucked down here . help me girls .
Blogged @ 12:46 AM
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somehow , these days .. i couldnt concentrate on my studies .. haish . upset . there's lots of things in mind which i dont even know and realise .. thinking of this and that .. making my head go crazy .

anw Shiks & Ikaa , that info is not me . its someone else's .. hm .. i feel like updating about the info that we have got in our discussion at school ..

now its 1206 am . still wide awake . cant sleep . argh .
Blogged @ 12:06 AM
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Blogged @ 4:06 PM
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Im thinking of some dates .. from January till now .. Flipping through my diaries .. Trying to recall all the past .. And .. I dont feel like thinking about it .. Forcing myself to not think and to take it as I didnt know anything about it .. Hahs . Will update more details later ..
Blogged @ 9:20 AM
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Oh My Gosh . Can Someone Please Refrain Me From Crying .. My Tears Are Going To Dry Up Soon .. My Eyes Going To Get Much Swollen .. Staring Blankly At The Screen .. Dont Know What To Do .. Ended Up .. Tears Rolling Down My Cheeks .. Why Am I So Weak ? All I Do Now Is Cry .. I Guess , My Tears Is My Bestfriend .. Whenever Im Lonely , They Will Be There To Accompany Me .. Helping Me To Let Go Everything ..
Blogged @ 1:00 AM
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You can forget about your promise to me and forget all of what had happened . Im willing to let it go and forget everything . Before you made the promise , I could feel that you did all that just for me . I know that this is going to happen again . I cant lie to myself that it really hurts . And I hope that all of these pain will just vanish in a moment .. Now its already past twelve midnight .. Hm ..

Yesterday , I dont know how many times I almost injured myself . My mind was not focusing on what Im doing .. I almost fell in the kitchen thrice and almost cut my finger twice . And was holding back all my tears while doing housework . Then , I accompanied Nadzirah to sleep and without knowing , tears starts to brim in my eyes . And it just keep on flowing without stopping .. I have to hide my swollen eyes from my family members . Trying hard to stop my tears and trying hard to be normal .. Was feeling really lonely .. No one was there for me .. Just my tears accompanying me the whole time .. Im afraid to be alone as I dont want to cry anymore .. Im afraid to sleep as I may cry in my sleep .. Scared to close my eyes as I know .. I will end up in bed full of tears ..

It Was Fine In A Moment .. And Broken In Another Moment ..
Blogged @ 12:06 AM
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