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Thursday, February 11, 2010

hm.. i know that i did get mad at you for quite long.. but that was due to the reason that i found it by myself.. its okay if you still wanna be mad at me over it.. and you said you have forgiven me.. but still.. why do i feel that you havent? why do i feel that whenever you told me to keep my sorry to myself, i feel as though you dont want and cant accept my apology? since now you have said that you have forgiven me.. thank you.. anyway. im not the one who judge if my mistake is huge.. you're the one who have to make that judgement.. i just need to know.. that's all.. and by the way.. no one make me to post that entry.. its really just me.. im not siding the one you think that have made me said that.. but honestly, that's what's in my mind.. im sorry cause you dont like me sharing our problems with anyone.. for you, i will try to keep everything to myself then.. i just dont want to have any problems between us about another party. i have had enough. i realised.. with everyone im close with.. that person will be the cause of our problem.. just every of them.. sometimes i really feel like its better for me not to make anymore friends out there.. coz i know.. when i make friends.. most of them will be guys and i tend to be just too close with them.. and that may bring another problem.. i guess.. i really should stop making friends. im not blaming you anyway.. im really doing this for own good.. right now.. i just want things to get settled and i dont want to hang on like this for a longer time.. i need us to be normal..i want to bring back the laughter that we have always had together.. be it on the phone or when we meet.. i really cant move on like this.. now im trying to set myself back to track. i have lost concentration in everything.. and i tend to easily get sick.. so i need strength to move on on my own at least.. and i need to set things right between us.. cause right now.. i depend everything on you.. i want to do well in my studies.. yet i feel like giving up even before i start it.. i really cant depend on my family.. there's only you left.. if we keep on having problems like this.. how can i move on? where can i get my strength and motivation from? i need us to be like we used to be, dear.. i really miss us..

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