the thought of putting it at end makes me burst into tears.. i didnt want to experience this day when i am leaving you.. i need you.. i love you.. i miss you.. yet, im just too hurt already.. i've been silence all this while as i dont want to hurt you.. i think of your happiness.. yet this is what i get in return.. you may think why is it that i bring up all this so sudden.. if you were really to ask me.. my answer will be.. i cant take it anymore.. i have been suffering alone for such a long time.. my heart cries everytime it happened.. i tried to stop you.. i told you how much i wanted all of it to stop.. and you said okay. its the last. and your sorry. but.. what have you been giving me all this while again? isnt it the same thing that you have been doing that i really hate.. we have gone through alot together, dear.. alot.. and all those sacrifices and effort that we made to overcome every hurdles are those things that makes me to find it hard to leave you.. i really dont want to leave you dear.. i love you too much.. just too much.. i have never loved anyone like this.. just you.. and you have made me to hate you.. thinking back of all your words to me.. they are just simply nothing. now that i have tell you about how i feel.. about what's my decision.. your replies somehow hurts me.. i know you're hurt.. but seriously.. nothing can be compared to how hurt i am.. imagine.. i have been telling you to change.. just one thing.. yet its so hard for you.. if you really love me.. from the first time i tell you to change.. you will really try to change.. but even after alot of times.. you're still the same.. i hate you for that.. what have happened to you? i dont wish to carry on our relationship if everything remains the same.. i want you to let me go.. i want to end our relationship.. not because i dont love you.. but its because i've love you too much.. i'll wait till you change.. i'll wait for the day that you will prove to me that you are worth to be given a chance AGAIN. i'll leave you to make you realise everything. even after once, twice and thrice, you still cant realise what you have been doing.. this is the best that i could think of right now. remember.. my love for you is too deep that its hard to be removed nor replace. i too want to put this at end as i want to concentrate.. i want to study hard. i've made my mom disappoint in me.. i've made her cried.. i've hurt her.. i want to do the best that i can to amend all my mistakes to her.. i want to make her proud of me despite all the mistakes.. i've done so much wrong to her.. and now im worried that when i start schooling and our relationship is still like this.. im afraid i wont be able to study.. i love you. and will always love you. no one is able to replace you. if we really do separate, just bear in mind.. you're still my nana.. i just need you to change.. use this time to change dear.. i love you. i cant bear to see you hurt. but im helpless. im sorry. i miss you.. and i need you..
Blogged @ 2:13 AM
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