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Sunday, January 30, 2011

my phone has been so silent for the pass few days.. this really got to show that he's the only one that i have been contacting the most. i just cant wait for him to come back. only then, my phone will keep on ringing and soon i will get bored of my ringtone and change it again. for now, i have already change the ringtone as i am sick of it. but right now, i seldom hear that ringtone ringing. sigh. my days have ben plainly plain without him. i am missing him like no one else can. i miss him like there's no ending. i miss him more and more each day. haish. this is only for 4 days. what else for 4 weeks ? how m i supposed to live without him for 4 weeks. sighs. i cant imagine how i would be like when he's away for his NS trip. my goodness. i think i cant die in hunger for him. hehe. dear, i really am missing you like hell. i couldnt sleep at night, thinking about you. sighs. its like been a long time that i am being separated with you and i cant contact with you..

when i went to vietnam, even if its for 2 weeks. the miss that i miss you wasnt this much. as durign that time, i still can contact you. but now, i cant! haish ! what else when you go for your fieldtrip ? i think i am really going to die. sighs. i need you. i miss you! i miss you so freaking much, get it ?!

Blogged @ 11:21 PM
Don't let me go -

Thursday, January 27, 2011

yes, i have realised. i am the one that is being too much here. i am the one that never think of other people. haish. perhaps, i am very selfish. haish. i always made mistakes. i always do things that will make other people in trouble. i did things without thinking much. no, in fact, i did things without thinking about anyone else.

i should have think before acting like that. now that things are in this way, i am feeling damn stressed out. i dont know what i am supposed to do. haish. i tend to say sorry. but now.. i know that sorry does not mean anything anymore. haish. what else should i do ?

i just wanted to know what is wrong. i regretted of my act. i should know that i should have not done that. i should have think before i do anything. haish.. when will i ever grow up ?

i didnt mean to make you angry. i didnt mean to hurt you. i know its my fault. haish. i deserve all this from you. i deserve the silence. i deserve the treatment. i deserve it.

Blogged @ 12:45 PM
Don't let me go -

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

due to me, you are now sick. haish. i feel so responisble for your condition dear.. i am so sorry to make you till this state. i didnt mean it.. i am terribly sorry, dear..

i have been hoping for a miracle. but i know miracles does not exists. i have been hoping for the best. but i know it is always me that keep on making things go the other way round.


i have to learn to change. i know.


i could not sleep thinking about this. it bothering me too much. but dont worry. i will still know how to get grip of myself. but for now, i know my priority is to focus on studies.


dear, i know i have made you upset with the way i react when we are having problems. i will tend to ignore my studies. but trust me, deep down inside me, i still remember that you wants me to do well. even if i failed to enter poly, this is not the end of my studies. i know you have been supporting me all the while. i am not going to let you down. i am not going to let my family down. even when we are having problems, i will try my best to not let it disturb my mind.


since i am talking about this..

i recalled of what happened when you said to me that you chose her. during that point of time, i was going to have my exam. during that very day, i was only left with less than an hour to prepare myself for my role-play. i thought i could not make it. i thought i would lost my A. but when i entered the room, your words were in my head. that's what that gave me the strength to do well. even i was hurt by you that time, unknowingly, you are the one that keeps my spirit and confidence up. see how much you meant to me ?


i am sorry if all this while, the way i said things is as though i said that you are not there for me. but dear, do you know that everyday you are the one that makes me to keep on moving forward ? you meant so much to me. there's no replacement for you. i may be having friends around me. but friends to me now is not like what i used to think of last time. friends now are not always there. but you. you are always there when i was down. you are always there when i was happy. you are always there when i was sick. you keep me company when i cant sleep. you calm me down when i panic. you soothe my heart when im mad. and now, you are the one that is helping me to be a woman not a girl.


you played a lot of role in my life. i treasure you alot. but i dont know how to express it in proper way. you are my everything. without you , i would be nothing.


forgive me for my mistakes. hold my hand and bring me back up. hold my hands and walk me through my days as you have been doing. grab me when im falling. wipe off my tears when i cried. i want to be a good girlfriend to you, dear..


i miss the way you held me tight and not letting me go. i miss the way you scolded me when i cried. i miss the way you wiped my tears and kissed my eyes. i miss the way you calm me down. i miss you. i miss everything of you.


Blogged @ 1:19 AM
Don't let me go -

Thursday, January 20, 2011

sometimes i just feel like screaming to myself. i feel so stressed up. haish. one after another. i am trying to stay strong.

dear.. i know i have done so much mistakes. i know i have not been a good girl. i know i have never listened to whatever that you have said. im sorry. i didnt mean to be that way. i just hope that you know im like that cause i need you by my side badly. i need you.

you are the only one that i look forward to every morning when i wake up. you are the only one that is always there and will always be there deep inside. i know my words are harsh. i know i didnt say things straight-forward. i promise to not be like that. its my mistake. i didnt learnt from what i have done in the past. i will try my best to not do it again. i know i have said this many times. but just give me time to change.

i just wish that you will be fine soon. its killing me. im so sorry. i love you. and i really miss you.

Blogged @ 5:12 PM
Don't let me go -

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

I have done alot of mistakes. Mistakes that is repeated. I hate myself for that. How I wish that I could grow up fast. I dont know what to say. I dont know what to do. I am lost. I want to apologise. And I did apologise. But I know, it's hard to accept my apology. I am too lost. I dont know what to think. I dont know what to do. I dont know what will happen next.

I know this hurts. I am very sorry.. Apologise is the only think that I know I should do. But even now, this also hurts you. I am stuck. I dont know what to do. I am trying hard to change. I am trying hard to be like an adult. I know this year I am turning 18. Not 8. I know..

New resolution: I need to grow up. Be a woman. Not a girl.

I am truly sorry. I need time to change.

Blogged @ 12:50 PM
Don't let me go -

Tuesday, January 4, 2011


I wanted to share with you about my days. I wanted to be pampered by you. I wanted to laugh with you. I wanted to call and talk with you. Everything I want, I will have to wait.

I am hurt by your replies. I don't know why but everything is just hurting me more. I dont mind being the one who will always text you first. I dont mind being the one to just give you a call. I dont mind. But is this the treatment that I should receive from you? Is it?

I am not going to text you if your reply is a one word reply. I am not going to give you a call if I feel that you are just plainly have no mood with me.

Dont need to deny that it's nothing. If there's really nothing, you would not have give me one word replies since yesterday. Late replies. Or even not texting me like you used to.

I just too hurt. I need someone. But this is the treatment that I get. Good.

I am so stressed. I have tons of projects. I have exams coming. I have no focus in everything I do. My mind is disturbed by this rollercoaster ride of my life. I feel like quiting school as soon as I finish my Higher Nitec. In fact, even now I have lost interest in doing anything in life. My life is so dull. So empty. There's lots of people by my side, but I sense no love. Well, it's just my life.

Tears is the only one that have been accompanying me through out my days when I need someone. Tears is the true bestfriend of mine and I am sure Tears will always be there when I am feeling down. And now, Tears is the only one accompanying me. But sadly, Tears will not be able to make my spirit to strive gets higher. That's the only weakness I see in Tears. But still, Tears will never leave you when you failed. Tears will not leave you in any circunstances. Unless, you throw Tears away from your life..

Blogged @ 6:45 PM
Don't let me go -

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Just some words for today's post.
I MISS MUHD NAZIRUL AMIN(:

Blogged @ 1:08 AM
Don't let me go -

Saturday, January 1, 2011

im sorry for being immature.
im sorry for not changing myself.
im sorry for saying things without thinking.
im sorry for not being able to handle things properly.
im sorry for everything.

after all, everything comes from my childish self. im just a little girl who have not grown up to think like an adult. it's time for me to change. infact, i should have change since the past few years when im with you. perhaps, i just need someone to guide me along my maturity period.

somehow, i think back .. its not that i want to be like this.. its just that i have been too independent that i need some space to be like a kid.. since young, i didnt get to feel like how those other kids get to feel.. i need some love.. some care.. someone to pamper me when im down.. someone to cheer me up like how dads cheer their children when they are down.. i miss all those childhood times.. maybe that is why i have always been like this.. its been 11 years or more that i didnt get to feel the touch and the love from someone who i can take as a father or at least, someone who can embrace me with all his love..

i know.. this is the new start of the year.. and this year, im turning 18.. yes, i know.. but i dont know why this feeling of being like a kid is still there in me.. it's like im yearning for more love and care.. i see the little kids out there with their parents, i get very jealous of them.. everytime i try to keep it away from my mind.. but today i really cant.. and especially now, im too stressed out with everything.. that i feel i really need someone to love me so much till the extend that i am spoilt. to really show concern.. to allow me to be pampered..

im sorry.. its just the period of me being more like a kid than a teenager.. im like a pity soul which always seek for someone to cuddle with.. and to be able to act like a small girl.. even when im at home, i will always go to my youngest sister and hug her like i want to be pampered. i dont know why im like this. but this is what i am really feeling.

tears keep on rolling down my cheeks right now.. i feel so down.. so terrible.. I DONT KNOW WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME !!! am i having some kind of depression ? I REALLY NEED SOMEONE.

Blogged @ 1:20 AM
Don't let me go -