One After Another

i never wanted this to happen . but what can i do when everything has happened . i just cant accept the fact that it is happening . in fact , it has happened . and its over . tell me .. what else should i do . one after another . im losing everyone as time passes by . tell me .. why on earth is this happening to me . i have had enough . its hard for me . really hard . i feel like its better that i dont know anyone on this earth . i feel as though i have to leave every one of you . i have to leave you when you are my bestfriend . how can i afford to lost my friends . to be frank , i dont want to lose my bestfriend . and he is my bestfriend . or should i say , he was my bestfriend . i just cant accept that i have to do this decision . whatever it is , the decision has been made . and that's it . i wonder who else should i lose as time passes by .

Unwanted Attention

today , i received alot of unwanted attention . my teachers went to complain to my form teacher about my conduct in class . they said that i didnt pay attention during lessons and that i am always lost in my own thoughts . haish . then , just now after math , my form teacher talked to me . she asked if im feeling well or not . then she said that i have not been paying attention in class and that i am always dreaming . haishh . just now , during her lesson , she called me twice and told me to stop dreaming . then some of my friends said that i am sick . but she gave no heed . then , somehow i just cried . have been crying out of pain since yesterday night . even when walking to school , i cried . i dont know what has gone wrong with me . thanks athirah was there with me when walking to school . thanks to azrinah too for trying to keep me cheer up . thanks to every of my dearest friends . and frankly , i cried for almost every lesson in school . i lost my appetite and my mood . people around me keep on saying that i am emo . but i didnt give a shit . if not , i will talk back to them and say that i am not an emo . but i didnt . i just gave them a fake smile instead . but everytime i smile , i will end up crying . seriously , i am totally not myself today .

NAPFA

despite of my head that is killing me, i went for my NAPFA test . i have phobia for standing broad jump . and great . i ate totally nothing and went for my NAPFA . after i did the standing broad jump , my head was spinning . the pain got worst . and my stomach cramp . the same thing happened last year , happened again . but this time round , i can still walk . last year , i was crying my heart out and i cant even walk an inch . then , my head got worst after shuttle run . and when azrinah want to help me stand , i couldnt stand and i lie down instead . its a long day for us . but there's no impact on me . i didnt feel the tense of the long day tiredness . i feel nothing . totally nothing .

this has a deep meaning .