Tuesday, September 29, 2009
haish . i dont know what's wrong with me . i guess im too stressed that my head has gone haywire . argh . gosh . damn it . scold everyone like nobody's business . easily irritated . i just feel like banging my head on the wall till it bleeds to death . im freaking frustrated with myself . now , i cant sleep . i feel damn restless and damn mad at myself for dont know what reason . and all i want to do is cry out my whole heart . i just need someone by my side to comfort me .. but i guess , i have also gone haywire with that particular person . somehow , i just got irritated and there you go .. you get me with this freaking bullshit mood . argh ! i hate myself for this ! i think i need to go and meet a psychologist . or even a counsellor . i dont understand what the hell am i suffering from .. its been weeks that i feel easily agitated . i also dont know for how long i never talk at home and i have been like a stone . i only joke around when my friends are there .. but when im alone , i will be like a doll . if anyone in the house talk to me , i will just reply to them in a rude manner . and without knowingly , i will just shout at them . just like what happened to my grandmother . for the first time , i shouted at her .. how devastating can that be for me and her .. right now it 1205am , and i really cant get hold of myself already . im just feel like bursting into tears . argh . i guess i am really too stressed out . i need a break from all this tensions .. i think i will be the only student that will experience this . i guess when my O lvls comes , by then i will be a mad woman , who have lost her mind due to everything that she's going through at the time she hopes for her loved ones to be by her side , giving her support ..right now , i need a loved one and a friend whom i can borrow a shoulder to cry on .. argh . god damn it . i cant take it anymore ! seriously , i need to get over all of this .. i need someone to hear me out . i want to shout out loud . i want the beach . i need to let it all out . but sadly , i dont know what in the world am i going to let out when all my problems are being mixed into one big problem . how i wish i was never born into this world ..
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@ 12:20 AM
Don't let me go -