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Thursday, February 11, 2010

my mind is blank. i dont know what i should prove to you.. somehow i think back.. was my mistake so huge? maybe it is.. but isnt good enough for me to be honest with you rather than you finding out everything by yourself? if you find out things by yourself.. you'll be more hurt than now.. but still.. you're still mad over it.. somehow i feel like im being childish right now.. but what can i do? im just going to let out everything that's in my mind. so, mind my words.
i really didnt want to do this.. but im really helpless.. you remembered all the mistakes that i found out by myself? you said that it has no solid ground to proof that you're cheating on me.. but still.. i get to know it by myself.. and i didnt be mad at you for so long. for every mistake of yours, im the one who found it out. and you kept it from me. even though you said it does not have a solid ground.. its enough to hurt me. and now.. just this mistake of mine.. and good enough.. i told you honestly.. still.. there's no room of forgiveness. and things are still the way it is from that day. tell me.. what else should i prove to you? what? im blank.. so tell me.. i thought.. being honest is good enough.. but im wrong.
you've always asked me to put myself in your shoe.. this is my answer to you.. if i were you..
i cant deny the fact that i'll get mad.. but i must be positive.. i'll keep on telling myself that she's just your colleague.. and nothing more.. and i'll try to think back what have i did to hurt you before that i got this.. how much have i hurt you.. how are your treatment towards me all the while.. and i'll tell myself.. i should give you chance as its good enough that you're being honest..
im sorry if my post makes things worst.. but this is what im really feeling. everytime im lost in deep thoughts.. i will always asked myself.. what have i done? was my mistake so huge? was my mistake unforgivable? did i do another mistake by being honest? did i did a mistake by telling you about it by myself? am i so bad that you are mad for a long period of time? what if just for this mistake of mine, you break off our relationship? was my mistake so huge that you want to leave me? was my mistake the worst mistake anyone could ever make? why is it that just this mistake of mine, everything have changed? all this while.. i have heard alot about you from many parties.. all about your mistake.. and if im not wrong.. i still stay strong.. and i let it go.. and forget about it.. even though im really hurt coz i got to know it from other way and not from you.. and even till now.. i close all my questions that have yet to be answered about all of those i found out.. but why now for me.. things are so different? im sorry to have bring up this.. im really sorry.. i just cant bear with us being like this.. but i dont want to lose you..

Blogged @ 12:15 AM
Don't let me go -