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Saturday, May 22, 2010

yesterday was a real bad day for me. i thought, you will make my day. but i guess, my hopes are too high that i ended my day in tears. why are my day always like that..why are things this way? at school, i feel that i'm being put aside by one of my classmates. did she do it on purpose? fuck la sia. if you're so inferior that i'm doing well or something, just say to me la sia! dont need to put me aside like this. i feel that you're such a spoilt brat. fuck off la sia!

Nana, i tried my best. but it seems that nothing helps. what else should i do? Dont accept me when you dont trust me. Might as well just leave me right? i want the best out of everything. i want to start anew. but it looks like nothing can be the same. i guess, i am just the one who wants this. NOT YOU. should i take a step back again? how i wish i never know him. how i wish everything wasnt like this. but what can i do to turn back the time.

i am not myself this few days. i've lost my mood. i look very tired as though i didnt sleep the whole night. i lost interest in my passion. i lost interest in studying. i dont feel like studying anymore. i feel like putting down everything that i have. and take up everything that i have left in the past back to my life and just destroy myself. who cares? even my mom doesnt understand me. she never know how hard i have been studying. all she thinks is that i'm fooling around. how sad can my life be? i have no encouragement from family nor any one. people are all being so unfair to me that i am feeling that i'm solely by myself. i'm so fucked up in life. yesterday, i was suppose to reach home at 1130pm. yet, i dont feel like going home. and i stayed by myself, thinking deeply which ended me in full of tears. and i reached home at 12am instead. if not for my mom, i wouldnt have gone home. i dont want to spend my time at home. i want to only go back, refresh myself, and sleep. my appetite have also gone. my mood is gone. my smile and laughter is gone. everything that's in me is gone. i think, it will never be back. i feel like running. run till i get exhausted and strain myself. i guess, this was the reason of why i keep on ensuring that my day is always busy and never let me have a chance to rest even for a while. and i think, that is why i have looked exhausted everyday.

Blogged @ 8:06 AM
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